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A Lamb in Wolf's clothing

Posted By: Mary Jane

A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/04/11 11:54 PM

Wolf died about 6:45, Thursday July 28 and I want to make my farewell here before this week of loss ends.

I thought I wanted to adopt Wolf because he was gorgeous and he was shy and needed a quiet home. Once I met him, I simply wanted to be with him. He leaned on me that boiling day and that contact was the most natural thing in the world.



It may tell you something about Wolf that my husband and I alternated taking him for the first walk in the morning and giving him breakfast. We alternated not so one person could sleep later, we alternated because Wolf was so terribly sweet first thing in the morning we had to share. For me the greeting involved Wolf throwing himself on his back and writhing, waving his paws in the air. When his MegaE developed that was really not a great posture for him. Here's a fuzzy picture of his first winter with us.


Not knowing dogs well, I was unprepared for how enormously gentle Wolf was. His mouth was so soft that I actually put into his mouth the bits of chicken for desensitization. Well that was a lot of desensitization because my dear dog really was afraid of people. We learned that the hard way when three days after finishing a six week training course, he bit a nice neighbor. That called for some learning about dog behavior and how to modify it. But chicken and time did their part and Wolf became calm around people. In fact, his groomer thought he was her best dog, the staff in the veterinary hospital tended just to say that they love him.

My husband jogs regularly, thank goodness and he wanted Wolf to run with him. They did during good weather, but Wolf really preferred to stay close to home rather than follow the running path.

It is important for me to tell you that Wolf made me a different person. I am by nature and by training a scientist. I like to analyze and take things apart. The idea of a wholistic view of reality is foreign to me. Caring for my dear dog forced me to stop thinking and actually pay attention. I wanted to know how he felt and that required actually looking: not rationalizing, not analyzing, just observing. I can't pretend to maintain that receptiveness much of the time, but I have some sense of its value.

The link to another mind is so terribly rich. Thank you, Wolf.
Posted By: Wisc.Tiger_Val

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 12:13 AM

Wolf I am so happy that you were able to show Mary Jane a different side of life. Mary Jane and husband I am so glad that you were able to show Wolf a different side of life. It wasn't fair that you didn't have more time together.

RIP dear Wolf. I am glad you found DeeDee on your journey.
Posted By: DancingCavy

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 12:31 AM

What a lovely tribute. I'm glad Wolf brought so much to you and your husband's lives and that he was able to open up a new world for you. I can only imagine the hurt and heartache such a special dog causes when they must pass on.
Posted By: PositiveDog

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 12:45 AM

When I read about the wonderful, loving life of a dog and family it brings me almost to tears. This story did just that. teary

To love a dog and to have the love of a dog - no one should miss that at least once in their life.

Sweet Wolf, I believe you were loved at lest as much as you loved your family. Life was good.

angel
Posted By: Braverhund

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 01:04 AM

Mary Jane, what a wonderful tribute to your special, sweet Wolf. He would be so proud of you. The richness of your lives together, the depth of the trust and the bond-- so beautiful. Thank you so very much for sharing your treasure with us. gsdhalo
Posted By: Tara

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 01:14 AM

Your tribute speaks volumes. Thank you for sharing your Wolf with us. butterfly
Posted By: Furonthefloor

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 01:39 AM

Beautiful. Just like Wolf. I'm so glad you found one another.
Posted By: frillint

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 03:18 AM

Awe RIP Wolf. What a beautiful tribute. It brought tears to my eyes to.
Posted By: katieliz

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 03:27 AM

what a beautiful dog. rest in peace wolf.
Posted By: GSDTrain

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 03:28 AM

Rest in peace Wolf!
Posted By: Woodreb

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 03:43 AM

Rest in peace, Wolf.
Posted By: LukesMom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 03:53 AM

What a lovely tribute to a very special friend.
Posted By: MaxaLisa

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 05:47 AM

What a wonderful tribute, so honest in its emotions, and what a special boy Wolf was. How much you all needed each other hugging

Who you are now Mary Jane, is part of his lasting legacy. He will always be with you, and always be a part of you. bloomrose

Rest peacefully Wolf, your time here was much too short, but the time that you had here, you did wonderful things. gsdhalo
Posted By: BowWowMeow

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 05:54 AM

What a heartfelt tribute to a beautiful soul. wub Thank you for sharing a little of Wolf and the ways in which he enriched your lives. I hope that as time passes you will be able to take true comfort in the wonderful memories. hugging
Posted By: SeanRescueMom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 06:32 AM

Originally Posted By: Mary Jane
It is important for me to tell you that Wolf made me a different person.


This struck a chord with me and I can relate to what you said. My heartfelt sympathies go out to you and your husband. RIP sweet angel. angel
Posted By: bianca

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 11:04 AM

Mary Jane, thank you for sharing a little of Wolf. That is such a moving tribute to a wonderful boy teary You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.

Run free sweet Wolf butterfly
Posted By: AngelJ

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/05/11 02:46 PM

What a beautiful tribute butterfly Wolf was a special boy. How lucky all of you were to have found each other.

Run free Wolf....
Posted By: shepnterrier

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/06/11 02:07 AM

The love between you and your Wolf is palpable in your beautiful tribute. What a gorgeous and sensitive dog, and perceptive human. Thank you for sharing a glimpse of you and Wolf.
Posted By: kaisersmom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/06/11 04:37 AM

What a beautiful tribute to handsome Wolf and his family. Every person and every dog in the world should know such love and devotion. gsdhead
Posted By: JeanKBBMMMAAN

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/06/11 02:09 PM

I can't say it any better than you have Mary Jane, or any of the responses you have received.

A true tribute to an animal once thrown away, who was saved, and who gave as much as he got.

Thinking of you and your DH.
Posted By: MaxaLisa

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/06/11 09:40 PM

Thinking of you today hugging
Posted By: arycrest

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/07/11 02:26 PM

gsdhalo That's a beautiful tribute to Wolf!!!
Posted By: Mary Jane

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/07/11 11:03 PM

I really appreciate your compassion.

Today I picked up Wolf's ashes. I will put some in a tiny silver pillbox that my grandmother used 50 years ago to carry her saccharine tablets. She carried her sweetness in it and I will carry mine.

I love that dog.

Mary Jane
Posted By: BowWowMeow

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/07/11 11:09 PM

Originally Posted By: Mary Jane
I really appreciate your compassion.

Today I picked up Wolf's ashes. I will put some in a tiny silver pillbox that my grandmother used 50 years ago to carry her saccharine tablets. She carried her sweetness in it and I will carry mine.

I love that dog.

Mary Jane


wub

I have a lot of dog ashes in my life. Basu is on the mantelpiece. Chama's ashes are spread at the cottage in the woods, in the water and on all of her favorite walks. A little of them are under a tree where she liked to sleep and chase squirrels. And the rest winter over at the cottage. She loved it there and always wanted to live there so I figured her ashes could stay over each winter. Massie's are spread at the cottage in different places and I saved a little bit in a tiny medicine bottle that my niece beaded for me.
Posted By: JakodaCD OA

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/08/11 12:42 AM

a beautiful tribute to a beautiful dog I am glad he brought so much joy to your life as I'm sure you did his
Posted By: Diane

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/08/11 10:23 PM

Mary Jane, I'm new here, but have read the threads for several months now and followed what was happening with Wolf. Through reading your loving words about him, a total stranger like me was brought to tears upon learning of his passing.

When I saw the pics you posted in this tribute, the first thing that came to mind was: thanks to you wonderful people, Wolf experienced doggie heaven right here on earth. The smile on his face as he runs through green fields or sits by a peaceful lake with the comforting touch of his buddy's hand on his shoulder is certainly what every dog should know in THIS life. So many dogs reach heaven having never caught even a glimpse of that here on earth. Thank you for putting that wonderful smile on Wolf's face. Regardless how long they're with us, the goal is to achieve precisely that. Please take comfort in knowing Wolf recognized heaven when he arrived because you'd shown him what it looked and felt like.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Diane S.
Posted By: Natalie559

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/10/11 02:33 PM

I am so sorry for you and your husbands loss Mary Jane. With a bond like you all had forever wouldn't have been long enough! Know that you all did you could and more to help Wolf.
Posted By: MaxaLisa

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/10/11 05:30 PM

Originally Posted By: Mary Jane
Today I picked up Wolf's ashes. I will put some in a tiny silver pillbox that my grandmother used 50 years ago to carry her saccharine tablets. She carried her sweetness in it and I will carry mine.


I was thinking about this the other day, as I was putting Indy's locket away for the night. That locket I got when I was either 13 or 16 years old from my parents, and as I was trying to remember, I was thinking about your silver pillbox, and the special things we use to these precious ones dear to us.


I love this:
Originally Posted By: Mary Jane
She carried her sweetness in it and I will carry mine.
Posted By: JeanKBBMMMAAN

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/11/11 12:51 AM

I don't know what to say, just checking in and thinking of the sweetness.
Posted By: codysmom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/11/11 05:56 PM

Mary Jane,

I don't get over here much but when I saw this I knew I had to respond. I was there the day you first saw Wolf and I couldn't believe such a tiny person could handle such a big dog but I was SO wrong. He was so gentle with you and Susan and I knew he had found his true home. I wish you could have had a few more years with him but what you both had was very enriching as your beautiful pictures show. My heart goes out to you and your husband. May you both find peace in knowing you provided him a wonderful home and he is watching you from above.

Sue
Posted By: LJsMom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/11/11 08:22 PM

Mary Jane, what a beautiful tribute to Wolf.
Posted By: Islandgsds

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 08/15/11 07:13 AM

Originally Posted By: Diane
The smile on his face as he runs through green fields or sits by a peaceful lake with the comforting touch of his buddy's hand on his shoulder is certainly what every dog should know in THIS life. So many dogs reach heaven having never caught even a glimpse of that here on earth. Thank you for putting that wonderful smile on Wolf's face. Regardless how long they're with us, the goal is to achieve precisely that. Please take comfort in knowing Wolf recognized heaven when he arrived because you'd shown him what it looked and felt like.


I don't think I could say it better. Thinking of you and your sweetness. gsdhalo Run free Wolf.
Posted By: Mary Jane

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/29/12 03:48 PM

It's been six months since Wolf died. The big lesson living with Wolf taught me was to pay attention to this very moment and I really do try to apply it, a little anyway. So that's good.

What isn't good is my ceaseless mourning. I feel like part of me is missing, sort of like a phantom limb that hurts although it's gone. In my strange way of thinking, I would rather hurt than lose the real sense of my dear dog. Do you remember Healthcliff saying "Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!" It's something like that.

Precious lamb, don't ever leave me.


Thanks for reading and thanks for all the support you have shown.
Mary Jane
Posted By: Woodreb

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/29/12 05:18 PM

hugging It does get easier with time.

All of mine are still with me in one way or another. I often saw pieces of my boy Max in Aodhán, even with totally different personalities. And I see parts of Rica and Kelly in Caleb.
Posted By: MaxaLisa

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/29/12 05:53 PM

Oh Mary Jane hugging I know exactly how you feel. Now past our year of firsts here, I have lost more of her, but am learning how to keep the special parts of her with me. That deep hole fills with something less tangible, but it still fills with love and energy.

They NEVER leave us entirely, and we do honor them by using what they teach us.

What a wonderful picture of you two, on a beautiful day wub
Posted By: LJsMom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/29/12 10:30 PM

hugging

Mary Jane, I'm not that far behind you in the grieving process. Some days the pain is still so do deep it takes my breath away.
Posted By: PositiveDog

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/29/12 11:03 PM

hugging There have been some terrible and sad losses in the past year.

I have been where you are and I sometimes feel grief like it was yesterday. But all in all the good memories, the funny memories begin to take over.

I wish for all of you that peace is found.
Posted By: Braverhund

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/30/12 01:28 AM

Beyond precious, beyond magickal, beyond beautiful. Wolf, and your relationship with him was, and continues forever to be, a loving miracle that sustains you both. When someone transforms (passes on), the love does not die. It too, merely changes form a bit. Nothing changes the realness of such a true and deep mutual love.

Mary Jane, I wish you a measure of comfort and warmth and peace as you continue to gently heal. Your dear gentle lamb is keeping watch.. for always. gsdhalo
Posted By: bianca

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/30/12 10:06 AM

I do not have words just lots of hugging hugging hugging
Posted By: JeanKBBMMMAAN

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 01/30/12 01:30 PM

I met Wolf right after he got out of the shelter. We were all stunned by his physical beauty but what really struck me was his level of confusion, and looking so lost in the world. My heart breaks for you, but at the same time, I have some joy in knowing that this dog was able to go from being afraid to making a connection with people and not really knowing how to, to having made one so deep that he is missed so much. Look at you both in that photo. Magical.

I am very sorry, and agree that keeping them close in heart is our tribute to them. Over time the pain in our heart is replaced with happier memories, but sometimes the loss comes back to remind us of how much they meant to us.
Posted By: Mary Jane

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 07/28/15 11:27 AM

Wolf has been gone four years. But sometimes at dusk, when Mars' bright colors are hard to see, I have a shadowy dog. Then, just for a minute, my Lamb comes back.
Posted By: SeanRescueMom

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 07/28/15 01:48 PM

Originally Posted By: Mary Jane
In my strange way of thinking, I would rather hurt than lose the real sense of my dear dog.


teary

Mary Jane, I went back and reread your original post. Wolf will always be with you. hug
Posted By: MaxaLisa

Re: A Lamb in Wolf's clothing - 07/31/15 02:08 AM

No, we never really lose them completely. And I think in the quiet moments, we never really lose the whole spectrum of emotions attached to them.

Wolf wub

MJ hugging
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