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I need some suggestions #353604
09/19/20 04:24 PM
09/19/20 04:24 PM
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Shilohsmom Online content OP
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Thankfully this is not for me, but I could use any help I can get here. What are some things that you've done or know of that helped with the passing of your beloved dog? How do you help someone come to peace with the fact that they've done everything to help their best friend and that they should feel good about all they have done? Is there anything you wished you had done that I might suggest to my friend before its too late?

I have a dear friend who's just gotten his dog home after a week in the hospital with pnemonia(sp?). Mini, the dog, is a 14 1/2 year GSD who they rescued many years ago. I have been worried sick not only for the dog but for my friend. You see he is caring for his wife who is slipping away from Alzhimers (sp?). I'm crying just thinking of it. For him that pup is everything (I know many of us have been there), and I fear for his safety when something does happen to the dog.

I have plans to pack the family up and move over there for awhile when the time comes but can you think of anything I can do now to suggest for him that might make this special time even more special and might help him to see life after Mini passes.

Bob has had a rough life. When he was young he heard the shot and walked into the room to find his father had just blown his head off. Later his mother was murdered. I worry that this might make him more prone to suicide, so I really can use some good help here.

I'm suggesting he take lots of pictures and videos which he will later cherish. I'll let him know dogs don't fear death like we do, that one helped me a lot. I'm also thinking maybe he should line up a vet that does in home euthanizias for when that time comes.






Last edited by Shilohsmom; 09/19/20 04:28 PM.

Rosa

Proud Mom to Kody and Sasha
and never to be forgotten, Shiloh, Shoshi and Eli
Every dog deserves to have a human that thinks its the greatest dog that ever lived!
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353608
09/19/20 05:50 PM
09/19/20 05:50 PM
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Toronto, ON
jarn Online content
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Oh that's really hard. I don't know what to suggest. When Luc passed, I tried to eulogize all of his accomplishments. Teagan was tough too, she was so sick but still so loving. I think sitting down and remembering the good memories - I know that's trite. We also get their paw prints back. And I bring flowers for them to be cremated with. To acknowledge how important they are.


Jenn
Neb, Xerxes, and Agis
Timothy and Cordelia (kitties)
RIP Luc
RIP Teagan
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: jarn] #353609
09/19/20 06:45 PM
09/19/20 06:45 PM
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Thanks Jenn, it really is a hard one. I like sitting down and remembering those special times, after all thats what its all about. I found a picture frame that I ordered for him. It reads 'tell me again about the time you rescued me" and it has a picture spot for Mini's picture. I'm hoping he will like it.


Rosa

Proud Mom to Kody and Sasha
and never to be forgotten, Shiloh, Shoshi and Eli
Every dog deserves to have a human that thinks its the greatest dog that ever lived!
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353610
09/19/20 07:00 PM
09/19/20 07:00 PM
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Toronto, ON
jarn Online content
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Oh that sounds lovely. That's really thoughtful of you - and it's lovely you're such a support.


Jenn
Neb, Xerxes, and Agis
Timothy and Cordelia (kitties)
RIP Luc
RIP Teagan
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353611
09/19/20 09:33 PM
09/19/20 09:33 PM
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Is your friend worried about this? I know you are but I am not getting any sense about how he is feeling. Has the vet suggested the dog's death is imminent? What I'm suggesting here is to tread carefully and not over read the situation. (That's me. That may not be your friend.)

I took a day to just take a drive the last time I found myself dogless. Moving in would have been a generous offer from a friend but I would not have wanted that. (the offer would be OK but the action, not). A day's respite from caring for a spouse if I had had a spouse in that condition, would have given me some time to do whatever I needed (as in that long drive). I'm sure you would ask before you went but remember that a "no" is an OK response from your friend. Then there's the need for a time limit - for both you and your friend.

Now this goes back some 30 years. I had a dear neighbor who had sworn off dogs after he felt the last one had died by a vet's mistake. He was dearly in love with my dogs, one in particular. When he told me that he hoped he would die before she did, I got him a dog of his own. Best thing I could have done for a very dear man.

Why not just talk to him now about Mini? Get him to tell you stories (we ALL have dog stories we like to tell - witness this board). If you want you can then write down those stories for him. This would really do a lot as he could recall the joy of his dog and it might also help him cope with his partner's illness.

While your thoughts and intentions are generous and caring, try not to get your feelings hurt in this - be open to "no thanks." or to other limits. I guess that's what I find most helpful.

Re: I need some suggestions [Re: middleofnowhere] #353614
09/19/20 10:17 PM
09/19/20 10:17 PM
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I appreciate all you had to say Middle. I hear you 100% and yes, this has been a decision we have discussed. He could change his mind and that's fine, but this is a friend I would do anything for. I could be there to help with his wife so he can have some time to take care of himself

I like the ideas of having him talking more about Mini and having him share those stories.

I'm glad you were able to help your friend too.


Rosa

Proud Mom to Kody and Sasha
and never to be forgotten, Shiloh, Shoshi and Eli
Every dog deserves to have a human that thinks its the greatest dog that ever lived!
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353615
09/20/20 12:27 AM
09/20/20 12:27 AM
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I have an aunt who had a dog for many years after my grandmother died. That dog belonged to my grandmother and she loved that dog. After my grandmother passed away, my aunt kept that dog well into her old age. My aunt's grieving of that dog was just awful. So, I can see where this would be an awful grieving process for your friend. I think the best thing is what you are planning to do to remember his dog. It helps. I also think communication is very important. Keep your feelings in check if he says anything that seems hurtful to you. Grieving people don't realize what they are doing sometimes, and often it it is a process.

I like the idea of the offer of giving him a break. It's not that she's a lot of burden to him, but it is an opportunity to re-energize him so he can continue to do his best to take care of his family.... both wife and dog!


Abbey: 12 years old German Shepherd

Suki: 12 years old grumpy Calico

Bella: Ragdoll. Now living with her best cat friend Ty at an oversized cat condo in Crazy Cat Lady City.

2 little angels/monsters in disguise: My 2 boys
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: DarkEyes] #353618
09/20/20 04:03 AM
09/20/20 04:03 AM
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Excellent ideas Dark Eyes. Thanks much.

Thanks to everyone that replied grouphug


Rosa

Proud Mom to Kody and Sasha
and never to be forgotten, Shiloh, Shoshi and Eli
Every dog deserves to have a human that thinks its the greatest dog that ever lived!
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353629
09/20/20 10:38 PM
09/20/20 10:38 PM
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Rosa, as dog and animal lovers in general, I think we all know someone who struggled with losing their beloved dog. My husband has a friend who is going through this now. He's a single guy and the dog accompanied him everywhere, he was his world. He calls my husband and tells him how utterly depressed he is and the dog has been gone over 2 years now. So I suggested he foster a dog. That way he would have companionship and not have to get attached if he didn't want or if things worked out he would have a new best friend.

As for acts of kindness I agree giving Bob some respite and helping with his wife would be ideal if he's comfortable with it. Do you know who helped take care of her when he was in the hospital with pneumonia? In the meantime, you could make a scrapbook for him with pictures and memories of Mini that he has shared with you. That way he could open it and look at her pictures as well as have a permanent keepsake.

Last edited by SeanRescueMom; 09/20/20 10:39 PM.

Sean - 1998/2014
If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart I'll stay there forever.
Carleton DOB unknown
Neely - 2003/2015
Gizmo -2008/2011
Neeko -1991/2005
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: SeanRescueMom] #353701
09/29/20 01:22 AM
09/29/20 01:22 AM
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Just seeing your question as I came here for an update. Mini, the dog, was in the hospital not Bob smile Sorry for any confusion.

Mini is doing great. She's still on meds but her x-rays last week showed her lungs were clear. All of her bloodwork came back normal happyboogie She's still on meds and I'm sure getting lots of rest but is doing really well. Bob's already built a cart for her.


Rosa

Proud Mom to Kody and Sasha
and never to be forgotten, Shiloh, Shoshi and Eli
Every dog deserves to have a human that thinks its the greatest dog that ever lived!
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353706
09/29/20 01:56 PM
09/29/20 01:56 PM
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Toronto, ON
jarn Online content
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YAY!!!!!!


Jenn
Neb, Xerxes, and Agis
Timothy and Cordelia (kitties)
RIP Luc
RIP Teagan
Re: I need some suggestions [Re: Shilohsmom] #353722
09/30/20 08:12 AM
09/30/20 08:12 AM
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Manitoulin Island, Ontario, Ca...
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Shilosmom I try to pm you but you're over your limit. I've no suggestions at the moment, but my thoughts are with you.


Sandra
Loki 8/23/08,& Augie, bday-11/13 Gday-3/14,
Larka 1/4/06-8/16/17 Palla, 7/16/06-6/10/16 you were the tree that gave me shelter, the rock that gave me strength, for ever in my heart, until my journey has run its length. I will always love you.
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