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Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: middleofnowhere] #301123
12/02/13 07:09 AM
12/02/13 07:09 AM
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Australia
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Thank you Farmsheps....you are right, he is not done with life yet and the Moment that I see that he is, I will do what has to be done. And I'm sorry for your own experience, homesteading/farming is not an easy life and first hand you get to experience Mother Nature....at her best and her worst.

Tarheel hugging one has been heartbreaking, but to have 3 go through it,...I'm lost for words and can only imagine how devastated you must have been, particularly when the tell tale signs began to rear their head. I'm not normally backwards in coming forwards either (hence the rant), I was just completely taken by surprise that someone who didn't know us, the dog or the circumstances thought it appropriate to comment....that by the time I got my thought process back (and had the million and one snappy comebacks ready), they were gone.

Middle, I loved your Barker the a Elder story, I admire you on the lengths you went to to keep her happy and entertained, Your love was obvious, you gave and provided her with what she enjoyed and accommodated her limitations every step of the way and that is what I intend to do for Levi.

In Australia euthanasia is illegal, it doesn't appear that will change any time soon.


Life isn't always about the destination....don't miss the journey

Current heart, couch and bed hoggers, Reza and Argi
Always missed - never forgotten, Friday, Manta, Kobe & Levi
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: MaxaLisa] #302780
12/15/13 05:43 AM
12/15/13 05:43 AM
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Originally Posted By: MaxaLisa
In general, people just don't understand, that includes sometimes even for many dog people that haven't dealt with DM or similar chronic debilitating diseases. Even in the dog community, you will have a wide variety of philosophies on this. I'm sorry that these people make a difficult situation more difficult.


Honestly, I am glad I grew up the way I did. I have learned to shut out emotions if need be. Even when I love a dog to no end, I can shut them out.

My girl, the first puppy I ever bought myself, has Perianal Fistula. It is an evil, evil disease. Even when you think you got ahead, it always comes back. I know that many dogs live a good life with it but my girl has a very bad case and at some point I will have to make a decision since she has true Fistulas.

It's a constant battle. The treatment is expensive and I can tell when she is in pain. She won't show it while pooping but she gets dog aggressive towards my other female.

Some people would crucify me if I would put her to sleep because it's "treatable" and all I have to do is to get rid of the other dogs because that would leave more money to pay for the super expensive treatment (Ummm no, not going to happen, period!). Others crucify me because I have not done it yet, because it's very painful and her mood swings can be toxic for the whole pack to the point that I have to rotate.

I'm trying to stay positive. Sooner or later I'll have to make a decision.



Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Indra] #302879
12/15/13 10:48 PM
12/15/13 10:48 PM
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Northern CA
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Marie has always turned over every rock to find ways to help her dogs, until there was no more help.

Mrs. K, please post in the health section if you are concerned about indra. There are many things that can be done with treatment, management, and cost.


MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

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Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: MaxaLisa] #302884
12/15/13 11:13 PM
12/15/13 11:13 PM
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I've already got medication out the wazoo. Especially Protopic and Cyclo etc. as well as Prednisone and alternative medications as well. Problem is, it's true fistulas. Whenever I thought we got ahead of it, it's coming back with a vengeance.

Managing is just that... managing... but quality of life is what is important.



Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Indra] #302886
12/15/13 11:19 PM
12/15/13 11:19 PM
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Northern CA
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Many (several?) of us here have dealt with "true" fistulas. And before you put another dog down, I would be interested in exactly how you have managed her - there are many missteps that can affect the quality of life, and can cause recurrences.

Last edited by MaxaLisa; 12/15/13 11:20 PM.

MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
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Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: MaxaLisa] #302888
12/15/13 11:48 PM
12/15/13 11:48 PM
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Old Lyme CT
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I"ve suggested this before, time to remove the glands:) (sorry Marie I don't want to take away from your thread so that's all I'll say:)


Diane
Ozzie von Kleinen Hain
Jakoda's Kholee
Tranquillo's Kizzy
Danger Danger von Kleinen Hain aka "Masi"
"Angel" Harmonyhill's Hy Jynx aka "Jynx"
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Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: MaxaLisa] #302906
12/16/13 01:17 AM
12/16/13 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted By: MaxaLisa
Many (several?) of us here have dealt with "true" fistulas. And before you put another dog down, I would be interested in exactly how you have managed her - there are many missteps that can affect the quality of life, and can cause recurrences.



...and I'm done here!

So much about opinions and not judging one another! Any further steps, are taken with my very experienced Vet. We have discussed Anal Glands and Spaying.

Last edited by Indra; 12/16/13 01:21 AM.


Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Indra] #302926
12/16/13 02:36 AM
12/16/13 02:36 AM
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I was reminded of this thread yesterday. I work for a college and one of the student orgs setup an event where some of us were invited to bring dogs to school so students could take a break during exam study. I brought Coke since he loves other dogs and people so much. At one point, there were about 50 people in our room sitting in a circle watching Coke dance around and play with a toy. One student came over to me and asked if I was the owner of the black fluffy dog...yes I am. Then he told me that my dog has hip dysplasia because his movement is stiff and he look awkward and in pain. I informed him that actually Coke is 7.5 years old but extremely healthy and I've already had his hips x-rayed not too long ago and he has no HD. Yes he walks kinda funny but that's a function of his overall conformation (he's kind of butt-high and his knees and hocks have almost no angulation). Thanks for the concern but no thanks!!! smile

My miserable, HD dog....NOT!

Last edited by Liesje; 12/16/13 02:39 AM.
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Liesje] #303023
12/16/13 10:21 PM
12/16/13 10:21 PM
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Old Lyme CT
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coke looks like such a ham here! making everyone laugh:)


Diane
Ozzie von Kleinen Hain
Jakoda's Kholee
Tranquillo's Kizzy
Danger Danger von Kleinen Hain aka "Masi"
"Angel" Harmonyhill's Hy Jynx aka "Jynx"
"Angel" Jakoda's Jagged Edge aka "Jag"
"Angel" Sami
"Angel" Dodge
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: JakodaCD OA] #303027
12/16/13 11:31 PM
12/16/13 11:31 PM
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LOL, and he knows it too.

Ah, remembering back to my college days, when exam nerves were countered by being prepared, but ducking into Uncle Willies for a quick drink was how many of the students conquered them.

I expect the shut down the tavern at that campus. It was right next to the cafeteria in the main classroom/admin building. In those days my being too young to drink made me a minority, and the tavern being staffed mostly by the electrical department, no one was too fussed about it. But these days, few people are old enough for a drink to chase away the exam nerves, or more likely to celebrate after the exam.

No one brought their dog on campus back then.


Geriatric: Odessa
Seniors: Bear
Mature Adults: Hepzibah, Karma, Cujo 2
Adults: Ramona, Kojak
Young Adults: Tinuviel, Uzzi, and Kaiah
Puppies: Vera
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Selzer] #303477
12/18/13 03:27 AM
12/18/13 03:27 AM
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Northern CA
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My students often request that I bring the dog in when I'm giving exams. It surprised me when they first did it. But they will tell me that it actually calms their nerves on exam day. I would have thought the opposite, that it would be distracting.

I'll never forget the last exam that I brought Max to. I've told this story before, but the room was silent while students were taking their test. One of them sneezed. Then Max sneezed. Several said "bless you" to Max, but not the student (which normally they would have). Every time a student sneezes during an exam now, it's a very nice memory of Max, and how good the students were to him in those final months wub

Wow, now that's really off topic laugh


MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Liesje] #303484
12/18/13 05:21 AM
12/18/13 05:21 AM
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Australia
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Originally Posted By: Liesje
I was reminded of this thread yesterday. I work for a college and one of the student orgs setup an event where some of us were invited to bring dogs to school so students could take a break during exam study. I brought Coke since he loves other dogs and people so much. At one point, there were about 50 people in our room sitting in a circle watching Coke dance around and play with a toy. One student came over to me and asked if I was the owner of the black fluffy dog...yes I am. Then he told me that my dog has hip dysplasia because his movement is stiff and he look awkward and in pain. I informed him that actually Coke is 7.5 years old but extremely healthy and I've already had his hips x-rayed not too long ago and he has no HD. Yes he walks kinda funny but that's a function of his overall conformation (he's kind of butt-high and his knees and hocks have almost no angulation). Thanks for the concern but no thanks!!! smile

My miserable, HD dog....NOT!


Handy class mate for the others to have around....since he obviously knows everything rofl

Lovely boy Coke - looks like he is having a great time....lucky boy smile


Life isn't always about the destination....don't miss the journey

Current heart, couch and bed hoggers, Reza and Argi
Always missed - never forgotten, Friday, Manta, Kobe & Levi
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: MaxaLisa] #303486
12/18/13 05:22 AM
12/18/13 05:22 AM
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Australia
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Originally Posted By: MaxaLisa
My students often request that I bring the dog in when I'm giving exams. It surprised me when they first did it. But they will tell me that it actually calms their nerves on exam day. I would have thought the opposite, that it would be distracting.

I'll never forget the last exam that I brought Max to. I've told this story before, but the room was silent while students were taking their test. One of them sneezed. Then Max sneezed. Several said "bless you" to Max, but not the student (which normally they would have). Every time a student sneezes during an exam now, it's a very nice memory of Max, and how good the students were to him in those final months wub

Wow, now that's really off topic laugh


smile


Life isn't always about the destination....don't miss the journey

Current heart, couch and bed hoggers, Reza and Argi
Always missed - never forgotten, Friday, Manta, Kobe & Levi
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Shepherds] #303491
12/18/13 08:32 AM
12/18/13 08:32 AM
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Queensland. Australia
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I love that story of Max wub hugging


Molly Moo (aka The Piranha, 4 legged mouth) GSD (31/10/09)
Cooper GSD (The Gremlin) 19/10/11
Texas - Tabby cat (Feb 1996-2013) Run free sweet Teppie
Paris - Tabby cat (Feb 1996-2013) Run free my beautiful girl.
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: bianca] #303509
12/18/13 05:40 PM
12/18/13 05:40 PM
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I think what's missing in this thread is that the people mean well. Their approach may be all wrong for us but they are acting out of concern and have good intentions.

At our new home, Val & I were out walking when we encountered a neighbor with a pup & a bc - both friendly. Val, having just moved and in total bitch phase of a false pregnancy, wanted nothing to do with either of them. Not putting any thought into it, I said I didn't know what was her problem. (Hadn't put false pregnancy into the picture just yet). I was encouraged to socialize my dog.... If I had had my wits about me I'd have just said "thanks for stopping by" (southern for, sorry but you are all wet.) However, I did not correct the guy, but let it pass. He was only trying to be helpful but was out of bounds. My dog is socialized. She just made a 2000 mile car trip in three days with little attention and was kind and generous to everyone along the way. Yeah she needs socialization; your puppy needs to learn manners on greeting older dogs.

But... he meant well, we survived.

I'm sure I've never misapplied my good intentions!!! wink

Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: middleofnowhere] #303520
12/18/13 07:47 PM
12/18/13 07:47 PM
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Middle, I accept that some people may have good intentions and just go about it all wrong, but I was also referring to people who know absolutely nothing about the situation (or any for that matter) and based on a passing acquaintance or view of the situation feel they have the right/knowledge to make a judgement and make very hurtful comments. (We are not talking about I don't like the colour of your shirt type of comments....but your dog should be put down).

I don't know, I was bought up to mind my p's and q's. Do people not have respect for personal boundaries anymore, do people seriously think it's ok to offer up completely unsolicited advice when it is not their business and know absolutely nothing about what is occurring?

When did it become okay to become so judgmental and force ill-informed opinions on people?

I would never presume to know what is occurring in someone else's life (particularly a stranger) or what has led them to be in the situation they may find themselves in...or give them an opinion or advice on it when I know nothing about it.....

Walk a mile in my shoes.....


Life isn't always about the destination....don't miss the journey

Current heart, couch and bed hoggers, Reza and Argi
Always missed - never forgotten, Friday, Manta, Kobe & Levi
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Shepherds] #303528
12/18/13 10:03 PM
12/18/13 10:03 PM
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I get the pain of being told your dog should be put down -- but the person really does have good intentions. They may not know what is going on, they judge by what they see & speak up. I think it is good for us to learn to roll with the remarks and avoid feeling defensive. For instance in my case I could have simply said "Well for whatever reason, she's being a butt right now." and let it go.

When the Barker Sisters were being treated for allergies, they had a horrid appearance. I was, to use a word I dislike, "pro-active" in that I would tell people they were being treated for allergies. The diagnosis turned out to be wrong and they darned near died, but they did turn around when diagnosed correctly. No one needed to tell me they looked horrible - I knew it. Would they have been out of line to say so? Not really. Since it didn't happen, I don't know that I would have responded by agreeing that they looked terrible and explaining what was going on but I'd like to think that I would. (A dear neighbor suggested that rehoming them to the country would be the answer. I said "That isn't going to happen." and not in too nice a tone either. It would have been better to say something like "We should probably all move from Arkansas!"

Perhaps being able to acknowledge the remark "Well, it does look bad, however..." would help us walk away not feeling so hurt and serve to educate one more person as to what the condition is that they are seeing. Realistically, we aren't going to get people to butt out when they see something they question. (The old saw about the only person we can control is ourself.) Figuring out how to handle it may be one way to deal with unwanted comments. We all probably get them, I'm sure I've given my share.




Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: middleofnowhere] #303529
12/18/13 10:49 PM
12/18/13 10:49 PM
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I'm going to blame the victim here. I think some people lay themselves wide open to unsolicited advice while others carry themselves in such a way that they do not, how did Harry Potter put it of Professor McGonnagal, "encourage confidences", maybe?

We see it in the forum. Some really post things, almost begging for advice -- everything save saying straight out, what should I do? While others post a vid, a picture, or a story, and really do not open themselves up to a lot of unwanted advice.

It also seems that people handle unsolicited advice very differently. There are several healthy ways to handle it: thank the person and totally ignore it, and don't dwell on it for days afterwards; thank the person and tell them a quick statement like, I have it under control, and don't dwell on it for days afterwards. There are unhealthy ways to handle it. Really, trying to educate someone on how giving unsolicited advice is rude, is giving unsolicited advice. Making a nasty comment about their dog or kid, elevates the fight. And taking to heart something a total stranger says about your critter is crazy. We are all crazy in some respects, and it is hard to not take some stuff to heart. But usually a reminder that this person doesn't have a clue that the dog was on the road for three days and out of its depth, or that you've been fighting the allergies for three months and whatever is enough to bring us back to sanity.

I think a lot of people want to help, and say things that hurt not so much out of maliciousness but because something in us, in how we are carrying ourselves, how we are interacting with our dogs, I think it encourages people to give us their opinion.

It seems like the people who are likely to be most negatively affected by the opinions of strangers are also those that seem to encourage them.

And it seems like the people who are the most likely to respond are those that have the least knowledge and tact.

At some point, maturity and an increase in self esteem, self confidence, and a funny thing happens. One is that people lay off the unsolicited advice so much, and we ourselves start waiting to be asked our opinion and advice before rendering it.

Last edited by Selzer; 12/18/13 10:50 PM.

Geriatric: Odessa
Seniors: Bear
Mature Adults: Hepzibah, Karma, Cujo 2
Adults: Ramona, Kojak
Young Adults: Tinuviel, Uzzi, and Kaiah
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Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: Selzer] #303530
12/19/13 12:00 AM
12/19/13 12:00 AM
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Originally Posted By: Selzer
I'm going to blame the victim here. I think some people lay themselves wide open to unsolicited advice while others carry themselves in such a way that they do not...

And I'm going to say, that in the context of this thread, this is Wrong.


MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/
Re: Who gave YOU the right to have an Opinion? [Re: MaxaLisa] #303531
12/19/13 12:13 AM
12/19/13 12:13 AM
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Originally Posted By: MaxaLisa
Originally Posted By: Selzer
I'm going to blame the victim here. I think some people lay themselves wide open to unsolicited advice while others carry themselves in such a way that they do not...

And I'm going to say, that in the context of this thread, this is Wrong.


Ok, yes what I originally wrote the to OP on this thread was more on course for the original complaint. My response here was more of an in general, the kind of unsolicited advice that is generally given and taken, like "you should use a prong collar", "Your dog needs to be socialized better" or "your dog is going to grow up and turn on you if you don't alpha roll him" stuff.

I am sorry, with the bringing the dogs to school for exams and stuff, I forgot that the original complaint was about people telling you to put your dog out of its pain. I think that people, strangers, who would tell you that are so far gone from what is socially ok, that it really doesn't matter if they are accepting cues from our body language. I think that close friends and family members might say things like that in an attempt to help someone move to where they need to be. Sometimes they err in doing so.


Geriatric: Odessa
Seniors: Bear
Mature Adults: Hepzibah, Karma, Cujo 2
Adults: Ramona, Kojak
Young Adults: Tinuviel, Uzzi, and Kaiah
Puppies: Vera
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