German Shepherd Home
Print Thread
Rate Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Re: Advice please? [Re: MaxaLisa] #277917
03/31/13 01:16 AM
03/31/13 01:16 AM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
3K9Mom Offline
Addict
3K9Mom  Offline
Addict

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
I dont know where in NoCal either, but affordable entry-level homes are flying off the shelves where I am. Also, the local NPR station did a story about how people in Silicon Valley are bidding on houses sight-unseen the day they hit the market. Literally, they look at photos on the MLS listing and offer several hundred thousand on a house. And most of those are repos.

It's a tough market to move into. We bought our house here as the market hit bottom in 2011 and we still got into a couple bidding wars. We didn't want or need a really upscale house. We weren't buying at the lowest end of the market either. But to buy a house, we ended up having to increase what we planned to spend about $40-$50k. We had to work with a mortgage broker who promised he could close in 15 days (most banks and credit unions here take 45-60 days, and sellers don't want to wait that long). We had to be incredibly nimble. We make some tough decisions to do so.

And that was when the market was at its bottom. Right now, prices are rising. Corporations are snatching up single-family homes for long-term rental investments as well as to flip them later.

I don't know what your situation is. I assume that when someone says they're moving, they've done all the homework, and I normally don't second-guess that. But the real estate market is shifting under our feet as I type. And renting with multiple dogs in CA is tricky, with a GSD in CA it is really hard. My two were both CGCs and that didn't much help. Undersocialized dogs? Eh, good luck.

I stayed at our old house out of state until we had a new house. My husband stayed with friends here until we got our house (and it closed in 15 days. My mortgage broker is a god). It wasn't easy. And we had been preparing and planning for a big move for years. And the dogs and I had a home to live in.

It *still* wasn't easy.

Re: Advice please? [Re: 3K9Mom] #277918
03/31/13 01:40 AM
03/31/13 01:40 AM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
3K9Mom Offline
Addict
3K9Mom  Offline
Addict

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
And re Mid's statement here:
Quote:
the vet cost isn't the main worry - heat stroke often does permanent if not fatal damage to dogs
,

She is absolutely right. I mentioned vet costs because after everyone saying "oh, this will work," I was coming in and saying "you live in Vegas? I think leaving your dogs outside in summer is a bad plan."

Sometimes it's easier to say "this may cost you financially" than "you may seriously be endangering your dogs," which is the sort of comment folks take personally.

I tend to be direct and sometimes too abrupt, especially for complete strangers. But Mid is absolutely right here. I should not have tried to sugarcoat it.

I don't care if you've had outdoors dogs in Vegas in the past. We set records for new high temperatures and longer heat waves in the United States every year. Vegas is no exception. The climate is not what it was a decade ago or even 5 yrs ago. It's hotter and more unpredictable.

Anyhow, I just wanted to clarify.

Re: Advice please? [Re: GSDElsa] #277950
03/31/13 12:48 PM
03/31/13 12:48 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 5,451
Massachusetts
Braverhund Offline
Carpal Tunnel
Braverhund  Offline
Carpal Tunnel

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 5,451
Massachusetts
Reconsidering this, I am not sure that it would be safe to have dogs outdoors in Vegas. In fact, it sounds dangerous. Grimm's brother died in last year's summer heat, teary teary teary rip and he didn't live in Nevada but a cooler state. Might there possibly be any other options for you and your hubby, besides living with your parents? Could you re-consider ideas and solutions for your housing, or the dogs' housing, during this time?


Patti
Frauchen von:

Grimm van den Heuvel, "Donnerpratzen"
Smokey The TeddyLion, DLH purrbuddy

Dir gehört mein Herz
Re: Advice please? [Re: GSDElsa] #278010
03/31/13 06:59 PM
03/31/13 06:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
Z
Zeeva Offline OP
Member
Zeeva  Offline OP
Member
Z

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
I'm being completely honest because I want honest opinions. We've been through the process of purchasing a house in NV (which is currently rented out for 2 years). We've a co-signer lined up as well...I mean if we are unable to purchase a house we will end up renting one in NorCal after we move...My in laws live there and they've a huge dirt yard with high brick walls. They'll have to be outside there as well if I move in with them for a while, again...

As for the heat and the outside dog situation. I can't say much more than what I've already said. I will convince my mom to let them be crated in doors during the hottest part of the day or take them to doggie day care or to my pet friendly friends house (she does have like 25 cats though :c). I am scared...

Are most of you suggesting I try to rehome my doggies? I don't understand what else I can do? I am going to take everything you've all said into consideration. And I'll be with them a lot; probably all day now that I'm even more scared of the heat.

I don't know what record temperatures Las Vegas set last year. I worked as a wildlife biologist and was in the field sometime 12 hours a day for weeks on end in the hottest part of the year (as well as the coldest) a couple years ago. I know my own body can handle the heat well. I may not know if my dogs can handle it, but I also know when they seem like they're getting overheated...does that make sense?

I've ALWAYS struggled A LOT with my cultural beliefs and my dogs. Most of my family doesn't 'get it'. I've to hide it from a lot of my religious friends/family (they simply don't come over). But I'm selfish and I need my dogs. We've gone leaps and bounds with my parents. My dad loves them (even though he disapproves of them being in the house, he doesn't nag me reject me because of it). My mother has visited ME with the two being in the house and although she also disapproves, she knows it's MY home and for the most part accepts it...for the most part.

Also, yes my mother is a conniving, emotionally blackmailing, manipulative person. But she's also my mom and she's also very very very sick. My dad is a very good man. She treats him pretty badly. Don't you think he deserves a break from it? Don't you think I can come in to help mitigate or alleviate the situation a little for him? I feel it is my responsibility toward my parents...

It makes me torn between the dogs and my parents. It was hard trying to accept all that we've to do. But it's getting harder now especially since I'll be moving this coming week. I'll have to sit down with the husband and have a talk...

Re: Advice please? [Re: Zeeva] #278012
03/31/13 07:12 PM
03/31/13 07:12 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,033
L
LifeAsMe Offline
Carpal Tunnel
LifeAsMe  Offline
Carpal Tunnel
L

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,033
Amina - do you have the money to build a small kennel with electricity that you could put a small air conditioner in so the dogs could come and go from there? Is there shade in your parents yard? is there a garage that could be AC'd?

I don't know about the temps in Nevada but I do know in Texas it was still in the 90s at 10pm at night last summer. It was brutal. I can't remember if you were already in Chicago by then or not.

I do know that it's worse to have a dog, or a person, not acclimated and put them outside so if you do put up a small building (or buy a premade one that you can move on skids) make sure the temperature is not so cold as to create a shock when they go outside.

The best solution would be to try to get your mom to allow the dogs to be crated in a conditioned building during the day. Next would be day care on the beastly days. And look into premade sheds that you could air condition with a window air conditioner(and could take with you when you get your own home) and put up a kennel with a top on it so the dogs can't scale it.

http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1vZbu...ge-_-wood_sheds

http://www.tractorsupply.com/en/store/search/pet-containment

This is doable for you

Re: Advice please? [Re: Zeeva] #278014
03/31/13 07:19 PM
03/31/13 07:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 19,670
Northern CA
MaxaLisa Offline

Global Moderator
MaxaLisa  Offline

Global Moderator

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 19,670
Northern CA
Originally Posted By: Zeeva
Are most of you suggesting I try to rehome my doggies? I don't understand what else I can do? I am going to take everything you've all said into consideration. And I'll be with them a lot; probably all day now that I'm even more scared of the heat.

I don't think anyone said to rehome them, at least from what I read. I didn't mean too. I think that most are saying to rehome all of you if possibile. I am glad to hear that you are aware of the heat and the dogs. I just know that Max was a different dog once it hit 80 degrees here, and I did have to limit his time outside.

Quote:
I've ALWAYS struggled A LOT with my cultural beliefs and my dogs. Most of my family doesn't 'get it'. I've to hide it from a lot of my religious friends/family (they simply don't come over). But I'm selfish and I need my dogs. We've gone leaps and bounds with my parents. My dad loves them (even though he disapproves of them being in the house, he doesn't nag me reject me because of it). My mother has visited ME with the two being in the house and although she also disapproves, she knows it's MY home and for the most part accepts it...for the most part.

A lot of families struggle with this, even if it isn't a deep cultural belief. My folks never had an indoor dog, and never took their dogs to the vet, and we have had "discussions" in the past over this, many times over. It is different when it is your house. I have the luxury here, when I got Jazz, that if they wanted me to visit, they had to accept her in the house, or I left. She's not safe in their yard, and has other issues. They were one of the reasons I went with a smaller dog too.

Quote:
Also, yes my mother is a conniving, emotionally blackmailing, manipulative person. But she's also my mom and she's also very very very sick. My dad is a very good man. She treats him pretty badly. Don't you think he deserves a break from it? Don't you think I can come in to help mitigate or alleviate the situation a little for him? I feel it is my responsibility toward my parents...

Not funny, but I had to laugh. On some level, this describes things here. With Mom it's more her age influencing things (87), but as frustrating as my dad is, he's been a saint with her.

Finding the line of responsibility is something I think that many of us struggle with, and we do have that responsibility. Be careful about the guilt though, that it doesn't color decisions that might be harmful. As they continue to travel their path, it is their path, with some help from others. I have had to choose between my dogs and my parents on smaller scale choices.

Last edited by MaxaLisa; 03/31/13 07:20 PM.

MaxaL (aka LisaT)

Jazmine, mini-mix, 10/18/2011
Max-n-Indy
Max, 5/2001-2/2012, RIP my partner, my Regal Boy
Indy, 5/1997-10/2010, RIP my friend, my teacher

Health Index
K9 TBD info and Tick List Links
http://www.rabieschallengefund.org/
Re: Advice please? [Re: LifeAsMe] #278018
03/31/13 07:30 PM
03/31/13 07:30 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
Z
Zeeva Offline OP
Member
Zeeva  Offline OP
Member
Z

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
[/quote]
Originally Posted By: LifeAsMe
Amina - do you have the money to build a small kennel with electricity that you could put a small air conditioner in so the dogs could come and go from there? Is there shade in your parents yard? is there a garage that could be AC'd?

I don't know about the temps in Nevada but I do know in Texas it was still in the 90s at 10pm at night last summer. It was brutal. I can't remember if you were already in Chicago by then or not.

I do know that it's worse to have a dog, or a person, not acclimated and put them outside so if you do put up a small building (or buy a premade one that you can move on skids) make sure the temperature is not so cold as to create a shock when they go outside.

The best solution would be to try to get your mom to allow the dogs to be crated in a conditioned building during the day. Next would be day care on the beastly days. And look into premade sheds that you could air condition with a window air conditioner(and could take with you when you get your own home) and put up a kennel with a top on it so the dogs can't scale it.

http://www.homedepot.com/h_d1/N-5yc1vZbu...ge-_-wood_sheds

http://www.tractorsupply.com/en/store/search/pet-containment

This is doable for you





I have an air-conditioned pre-made shed ready for them in Vegas. It's at our rental property and can easily be relocated to my parents place. They never used the darn thing but it was ALWAYS up and running for them when we lived there. I can't remember what we kept the temperature...

Here's a picture of Zeeva using it:



Vegas heat it probably the second hottest city after Phoenix in the US. It can remain well over 120 for weeks on end. But it's very dry heat. Even the nights can be smoldering hot.

Last edited by Zeeva; 03/31/13 07:31 PM.
Re: Advice please? [Re: Zeeva] #278021
03/31/13 07:39 PM
03/31/13 07:39 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,033
L
LifeAsMe Offline
Carpal Tunnel
LifeAsMe  Offline
Carpal Tunnel
L

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,033
Sounds like you have a set up that may work.

I'm only going to say, please have a backup plan for yourself. I don't see how this living arrangement can possibly be healthy for you. As wonderful as your father is, he is making his choices to allow your mom to manipulate him. Please don't allow yourself to become a victim of this as well.

Re: Advice please? [Re: LifeAsMe] #278024
03/31/13 07:49 PM
03/31/13 07:49 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 642
Outer Banks, NC
Hatterasser Offline
Addict
Hatterasser  Offline
Addict

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 642
Outer Banks, NC
I am so totally confused. I was sure I read somewhere that you were moving to CA (San Diego or someplace) to live with you husband's parents, one of home was sick.

Where did Vegas come into this? Did I dream about CA? Is my chemo brain misbehaving again?

Please help me straighten this out.


Diane...Freya's mom
If I weren't so damn healthy, I'd be sick...and I'm NOT sick.
Life is good! Live it to the fullest. Love well those near and dear.
I Aear cân ven na mar
Re: Advice please? [Re: Hatterasser] #278025
03/31/13 08:02 PM
03/31/13 08:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
Z
Zeeva Offline OP
Member
Zeeva  Offline OP
Member
Z

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
Originally Posted By: Hatterasser
I am so totally confused. I was sure I read somewhere that you were moving to CA (San Diego or someplace) to live with you husband's parents, one of home was sick.

Where did Vegas come into this? Did I dream about CA? Is my chemo brain misbehaving again?

Please help me straighten this out.


My parents are in Las Vegas. I'll be moving in with them for a few months (till mid or late July; leaving this Friday). Our lease here in Chicago ends in April so hubby will move in with a friend to finish and I'll move in with my parents till mid/late July...My mom is sick in Vegas...I know it's confusing...

After my husband is done with his first year residency (mid July) we will be moving to NorCal where we're transferring because husband's dad has cancer (and a schitzo brother :c). Hoping to stay with his family for a couple more months till we have enough to get our own place (rent or buy). Hoping to provide support to them after we're settled but asking for some support from them until then...

My school starts in August so we'll be out of my in-laws place by then...

It's a lot of moving.

I'm originally from SoCal if that fits into the picture somewhere. Lived there almost my entire life.

Re: Advice please? [Re: Zeeva] #278028
03/31/13 08:25 PM
03/31/13 08:25 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 642
Outer Banks, NC
Hatterasser Offline
Addict
Hatterasser  Offline
Addict

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 642
Outer Banks, NC
Okay, let's see. (opens the map and pulls out the colored stick pins). She goes to Vegas this Friday, with all the animals. (sticks in red pin) He leaves end of April for a friend's place in Chicago (sticks in a blue pin). He finishes residency in July and moves to NorCal .. does he pick up wife on the way or does she head for NorCal on her own? Hmmmm (sticks in a blue pin with possibly a red pin). Stays with in-laws a couple of months...oops, see a problem there...she starts school in August and plans to be out of in-laws by then. That's not a couple of months, that's less than a month or a month at the most.

Oh well, it's all too much for me to keep up with. Glad it's you and not me that's doing all this moving about. I'd have given up by the time I hit Nebraska. *laughing hilariously*

Good luck, kiddo. Hope it all works out for you and all the parents recover.


Diane...Freya's mom
If I weren't so damn healthy, I'd be sick...and I'm NOT sick.
Life is good! Live it to the fullest. Love well those near and dear.
I Aear cân ven na mar
Re: Advice please? [Re: Hatterasser] #278032
03/31/13 09:18 PM
03/31/13 09:18 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
3K9Mom Offline
Addict
3K9Mom  Offline
Addict

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
Quote:

Last year’s highest temperature reached 114 degrees. Las Vegas had 81 days of triple-digit temperatures in 2012.


http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2013/01/04/las-vegas-sets-temperature-record-in-2012/

I personally would not permanently re-home the dogs. I would, however, see if I could work with family or friends anywhere in the country who could take them in for several months (and I would pay their expenses) while I lived in Las Vega during the summer, most likely tossing in some extra for the inconvience, depending with whom they stayed. And yes, I'd split them up, if I needed to.

Under normal circumstances, folks might be too busy to take in a dog (or another dog). But again, there are plenty of good people who are unemployed and struggling. Extra income to informally board a dog would be welcome.

I had a job that required very sporadic travel -- always at less than one day's notice and I could be gone for months and months. I had dogs and I was single. But I had a family member and a friend , one of whom was always able and willing who would take my furry kids in for however long I would be gone. I would drop them (and a book of blank signed checks) on my way to the airport. Was it ideal? Of course not. I missed them horribly. But that was my job. I was gone 8 months on one assignment. We do what we need to.

My dogs were safe, in a loving home, and well provided for. They also learned to be independent -- which is an excellent trait for a dog. When years later I needed surgery or when my husband and I went on our 14- day honeymoon, our dogs handled my absence with aplomb.

There are almost certainly options you're not considering. But these require stepping back from your needs to consider what's best for *them* first. I understand you don't want to separated from them for sn extended length of time. But if you consider that as an option, then the world may open up a bit. You may also gain benefits you never realized: like more confident, better socialized dogs.

Re: Advice please? [Re: 3K9Mom] #278035
03/31/13 09:55 PM
03/31/13 09:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
Z
Zeeva Offline OP
Member
Zeeva  Offline OP
Member
Z

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 127
Originally Posted By: 3K9Mom
Quote:

Last year’s highest temperature reached 114 degrees. Las Vegas had 81 days of triple-digit temperatures in 2012.


http://lasvegas.cbslocal.com/2013/01/04/las-vegas-sets-temperature-record-in-2012/

I personally would not permanently re-home the dogs. I would, however, see if I could work with family or friends anywhere in the country who could take them in for several months (and I would pay their expenses) while I lived in Las Vega during the summer, most likely tossing in some extra for the inconvience, depending with whom they stayed. And yes, I'd split them up, if I needed to.

Under normal circumstances, folks might be too busy to take in a dog (or another dog). But again, there are plenty of good people who are unemployed and struggling. Extra income to informally board a dog would be welcome.

I had a job that required very sporadic travel -- always at less than one day's notice and I could be gone for months and months. I had dogs and I was single. But I had a family member and a friend , one of whom was always able and willing who would take my furry kids in for however long I would be gone. I would drop them (and a book of blank signed checks) on my way to the airport. Was it ideal? Of course not. I missed them horribly. But that was my job. I was gone 8 months on one assignment. We do what we need to.

My dogs were safe, in a loving home, and well provided for. They also learned to be independent -- which is an excellent trait for a dog. When years later I needed surgery or when my husband and I went on our 14- day honeymoon, our dogs handled my absence with aplomb.

There are almost certainly options you're not considering. But these require stepping back from your needs to consider what's best for *them* first. I understand you don't want to separated from them for sn extended length of time. But if you consider that as an option, then the world may open up a bit. You may also gain benefits you never realized: like more confident, better socialized dogs.


No offense intended at all. Just curious and no offense taken either.

But are you underestimating my ability to care for my pups? Is the heat the biggest factor?

You don't think that crating them inside? Taking them to a pet friendly friends place? Taking them to doggie day care? Providing them with an AC'd dog house? Shade? Cool water? Walks at night or in the early morning? And constant supervision? Will work out for us? I have done it before and admittedly it was tough...VERY tough...

Where do you see the most potential for danger in all this? Because relocating and separating my dogs is not convincing to me (yet). I can see that them being better socialized and more independent through this experience would be a plus, but honestly, can anyone else handle my untrained dogs as well as me? What if they ran away? What if Zeeva who when I went away for a few days was a nervous shedding wreck, got sick? What if Smokey who requires walks and runs but pulls like a train wreck actually pulled to the point of getting in it with another dog? They need more training to be with someone else IMO.

Re: Advice please? [Re: Zeeva] #278059
04/01/13 12:01 AM
04/01/13 12:01 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,264
CNY
GSDElsa Offline
Veteran
GSDElsa  Offline
Veteran

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,264
CNY
Originally Posted By: Zeeva

Also, yes my mother is a conniving, emotionally blackmailing, manipulative person. But she's also my mom and she's also very very very sick. My dad is a very good man. She treats him pretty badly. Don't you think he deserves a break from it? Don't you think I can come in to help mitigate or alleviate the situation a little for him? I feel it is my responsibility toward my parents...

It makes me torn between the dogs and my parents. It was hard trying to accept all that we've to do. But it's getting harder now especially since I'll be moving this coming week. I'll have to sit down with the husband and have a talk...


I'm definitely not suggesting you rehome your dogs...I'm suggesting you never go to Vegas!

Look, I say this all because I REALLY think you have to get yourself help in regards to your relationship with your mother because I've been there as the spouse of someone who has one just like yours. You have to do what is best for YOU emotionally. Do not underestimate the power she is going to be able to hold over you and the damage that might happen in "just" a few months of living with her. I mean, she threatens to committ suicide when you don't do what she tells you to and you buy into it and do what she wants. This is what she can do over the phone to you (and I think the dog thing is just another way of controlling you).

I have no doubt that your dad is a great man. However...I again speak from experience knowing how my step FIL and MIL are...the spouse let's the emotional abuse happen and they feed into it year after year. And PERSONALLY I've lost a HUGE amount of respect for my DH's step father over the years. I do not think ANY parental figure should let a kid (no matter what the age) be abused (no matter what type of abuse it is). I'm sure your dad would love a break, but as a parent he should also be doing what is best for his child in my opinion.

Sorry if this all sounds so harsh, but anytime I hear about a situation like yours it brings out all the disgust I've felt about my MIL and what she's done to her own children over the years. Aboslutely no sympathy for people like that and those around them should keep as emotionally detached as possible


J, mom to:
- Elsa - BrightStar Rescue - "Da Pookins"
- Medo - "The Beast From The East"

Re: Advice please? [Re: 3K9Mom] #278070
04/01/13 12:51 AM
04/01/13 12:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 844
TMarie Offline
Old Hand
TMarie  Offline
Old Hand

Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 844
Originally Posted By: 3K9Mom
[quote]
Last year’s highest temperature reached 114 degrees. Las Vegas had 81 days of triple-digit temperatures in 2012.


I just wanted to pop in here and mention that the record high temps here are only those reported from McCarran Int'l Airport. The local neighborhood high temps reach anywhere between 118-121 degrees *every* summer.

Re: Advice please? [Re: TMarie] #278185
04/01/13 06:40 PM
04/01/13 06:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
3K9Mom Offline
Addict
3K9Mom  Offline
Addict

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 456
A large part of my brain is telling me to just leave this thread alone. But I feel the need to respond, since you directed questions to me.

Your opening post said that "in no way will" your mom let the dogs in her house. Yet now you seem quite confident that she will let them in the house crated. Unless you've had a long talk with her that you didn't mention here (and certainly, you don't have to report family conversations back to us, but more updated information is helpful), this assumption is wishful thinking.


Yes, doggie daycare is an option. I'm the one who suggested an informal daycare plan. Formal daycare businesses require dogs to pass meet-and-greet evaluations to ensure that they will fit right in with other dogs. If a daycare does not, I would be terrified to leave my dogs in such an unprofessional organization. Daycare is not "training." Often the employees have minimal training.

Some trainers do offer day training. In fact, my kids did this, not because I was unable to care for them or they needed extra training, but because they liked hanging out with dogs other than each other and I totally trusted my trainers. Cost: $60-$85 per day, depending on the trainer. The $60 was a discounted price because I trained with that trainer so often for so many years, stood in as an assistant when she needed one, and referred so much work to her. Pretty spendy. But we have the budget because we paid off student loans a few years ago, keep our personal spending extremely low, and believe that a well socialized well trained dog will always cost you less money down the road. But still costly.

You ask how can anyone handle your untrained dogs as well as you. A stressed owner creates a stressed dog. An anxious handler creates an anxious dog. If you are not at tip-top shape emotionally, then your dogs will struggle in their training. We always want to think that we are always the best thing for our dogs. But there are times when that's simply not true. If it's a short period of time, we can work around it. When I lost my beloved GSD service dog at 2 yrs old abruptly, I was a wreck. I also had a senior dog who had just suffered (often fatal) pancreatitis two weeks before. I could barely function.

My mom flew in to town to help me care for my sick dog. My trainers took turns taking my third dog into their homes for days on end. I missed her terribly. But I knew it was best for her.

I drove down to the local park and would sit in the parking lot and cry until I felt better. Then I could return home to my sick dog, able to be upbeat. She recovered from her illness and lived quite a bit linger and was happy during that time. I know my other dog mourned her big brother who was her best friend, but she came through relatively unscathed because she wasn't around my (and my husband's) stress and sorrow.

I don't know you. I've only read mostly the most recent posts here. I've been gone from here a while, taking a break. I've belonged to this forum since its beginning and before that, the other forum. I post almost in health and training threads. I don't spend much time in small talk here. I've become real life friends with numerous members; I've met their dogs. Real people, real dogs. Real problems. I know that, and I don't just say nice things to make people feel good. If I think something is a bad idea that could possibly harm their dog, I'll tell them.

What if one of your dogs bloat, get out and get hit by a car, get bit by a toxic spider, eat something toxic? Do you REALLY think you can rehabilitate a dog who just had major surgery or a sick dog in the back yard? This sort of stuff happens to the very best dog owners. You can't assume that being careful is protection enough.

Also, realize this is is a public forum. Advice I give to you is also read by others. So I'm always aware that while you may line up all the perfect minute details for your situation, someone else might happen by and read this thread. They might live in Phoenix, Texas or Inland California and think "well, if that lady in Vegas can do it, I can too."

Yes, you MIGHT be able to pull this off, if your mom is willing to change her cultural values at this later stage in her life and let the dogs in the house, if you somehow manage to find a professional daycare that is willing to accept two unsocialized dogs, if everyone remains respectful of each other so that you are not so stressed that your emotions affect your ttraining your dogs, if Zeeva doesn't get anxious and get sick at daycare, if (and this is a big one) you're able to find a rental that accepts two large dogs (especially a GSD) in NoCal, if you're able to find a home you can afford here and move on its quickly enough to actually buy it, and a few other issues I could probably think up, but I think you get my point...


I don't know you, and you don't know me. I tend to be one of those people who always have a back-up plan. I take risks. But I have fall-back options in case the worse-case scenario occurs. If I can't figure out a back-up plan, then I don't take *that* risk. There's probably a better decision I can make (as J. suggests above).

It seems to me that you're making ALL of your plans hoping that every best case scenario happens.

I hope it all goes as planned for you, your husband and your dogs. But if it does not, who is going to suffer most? Your dogs.

Anyhow, you asked for advice. That's mine. Use or disregard it as you will.

Re: Advice please? [Re: 3K9Mom] #278192
04/01/13 07:45 PM
04/01/13 07:45 PM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 738
york township, MI
katieliz Offline
Old Hand
katieliz  Offline
Old Hand

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 738
york township, MI
well i'm gonna go out on a limb here but first i want to say that i too don't know you and you don't know me, and i say this with kindness in my heart because i see you setting yourself up for a whole lotta problems and hurt. i have lived a very long life and have a lifetime of experience (and have had tons of therapy), and i can tell you from that perspective that it's never, never, ever, a good idea to move back in with one's parents. ever. no matter how much you love them, and how well you get along, or how great your need. if there is sickness or mental health issues or cultural differences between generations the problems are magnified tenfold. it just never works out. i am not saying that someone shouldn't help their parents if they're not well (and there are NO OTHER live in OPTIONS for their care), but i am saying that the scenario you're setting yourself up for will not be good or healthy or happy for you. again, forgive me if i've misunderstood something, but i can just about guarantee you, if you do this (again, unless i'm misunderstanding something), someday you'll look back and remember this message and you will understand totally where i'm coming from. my intent is not to hurt you or your feelings in any way. i can only call it as i see it, and i'm pretty sure i'm callin' this one right.

again i want to say, all the above is based on the situation being what i'm understanding it to be from what you've written here, and AGAIN i'm saying that in no way do i wish to be negative or hurt your feelings in any way. i'm only saying that this, almost without exception (and only exception in degree), has been my experiences, as i've seen them unfold with friends and family who've chosen that path in their lives.

i wish for the best for your dogs and for you and for your family, as well.

Last edited by katieliz; 04/01/13 07:47 PM.

mom to seraphina blue and the cashman
miss jeni-take-a-ride
shangri la's great white caesar ("the c-monster")
voodoo lily (dsh)
cricket-the-bird (african grey parrot)RIP-2013
RIP hearthside's cinderfella (4/20/09)
RIP shep von bellefontaine (6/9/10)
Re: Advice please? [Re: katieliz] #278230
04/01/13 10:09 PM
04/01/13 10:09 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 642
Outer Banks, NC
Hatterasser Offline
Addict
Hatterasser  Offline
Addict

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 642
Outer Banks, NC
Amina, I am afraid I have to agree with the previous posters. Moving in with your parents, especially as a grown woman yourself, is opening Pandora's box. With a mother such as you describe, it would not only be a major stress on you but on your father and your dogs as well.

There was a time when I was young and the single mother of a small child. I was working full time and going to university full time at night. The only place I had to leave my little girl was with my parents. However, my mother was a manipulative vicious woman and would often times attack me verbally in front of my daughter. My poor little girl was the one who suffered most as it was always right in front of her with her in the middle. The stress on me was not much better.

I remember once asking my father if he would help me as he knew what she was doing. His answer was....NO. Why? As he put it, unlike me, he had to live with her, and she would make his life utter hell. At the time, I didn't understand but I do now. Your father may be making a tolerable existence for himself. But if you get into the middle of it, especially if you were to take his side or ask him to interfere on your behalf (over the dogs or any other issue), HIS life would be hell.

You have a computer. If your mother is in need of care, why not work on trying to find any hospice care people in Vegas, people who could make daily visits to her and take some of the burden off your father. She may object. In fact, I would imagine she will object...strenuously...but depending on how ill she is, she may have no choice but to accept whatever care is given her.

You have read above dozens of reasons why this is not the wisest choice, for you, for your own marriage, for your dogs. And it certainly would offer no help for your parents in the long run. I realize that Indo-Asian family values are different from Americans but there are also your own personal values to consider. How good is it for you to drop everything you value to run back home to mommy and daddy, even though it will put enormous stress on you and those you care about?

You will do what you will do though I hope you will give some consideration to all the people here who have offered you so much worthy advice. I fear, sadly, that you won't. *sighs*


Diane...Freya's mom
If I weren't so damn healthy, I'd be sick...and I'm NOT sick.
Life is good! Live it to the fullest. Love well those near and dear.
I Aear cân ven na mar
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread

Monthly Photo Contest Winner
Newest Topics
Meet our Rescue
by DarkEyes. 06/25/22 11:30 AM
Missing Zisso
by Zisso. 06/19/22 12:40 AM
Here's Yara Mary Jane!
by Islandgsds. 06/07/22 09:39 PM
Deck is gone (with pics)
by Zisso. 06/01/22 11:15 PM
Agis PEED on someone!!!!
by jarn. 05/28/22 03:23 PM
Sasha watching the chicken
by Shilohsmom. 05/26/22 10:23 PM
Caleb Moose - Run Free
by Woodreb. 05/14/22 01:36 AM
The eyes have it
by middleofnowhere. 05/02/22 05:32 AM
Tough week for Nebbers
by jarn. 04/25/22 12:17 AM
New Topics - Other Animals & Chat
Anniversary sigh
by jarn. 06/17/22 11:39 PM
What to do
by Shilohsmom. 06/02/22 04:34 PM
Where is Lisa?
by Islandgsds. 05/19/22 11:31 PM
Rosa's Hello old Friends, continued part 2
by Wisc.Tiger_Val. 01/13/15 03:49 PM
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 7 guests, and 6 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Previous Monthly Photo Contest Winner
Newest Members
GSDman, GSDluvah, Bonwno, Mongoski, Lawz67
3048 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums84
Topics18,762
Posts292,547
Members3,048
Most Online991
Jan 15th, 2020
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.1