I have been out of town for a few days, thought I would check on you and Indy and came back to find she has left you. Lisa, I am so sorry. Words are so inadequate.

In my heart, I believe you did everything right for Indy. You also asked her for a sign and I think she gave it to you...



Last November, I lost my 23.5 yr old cat named Deke. I nursed him for almost a year and, throughout that time, I asked him to let me know when he was ready. I prepared meals for him 5-6 times a day even if he would only take a few laps and walk away. On our last day together, he wouldn't eat and he wanted no part of me. That devastated me and completely broke my heart. I took him to the vet to see if I could help him despite his suffering. After the vet shook her head, I called my mother on the phone so she could come and say good bye. When she sat next to Deke, he forced out a purr and put his head in her hands. I realize now that he HAD to ignore me that day...that was his way of telling me to let him go.

Your sweet Indy was a wise old friend! I am sure her lessons and gifts to you are innumerable. Some how, we make it through. Please know you are not alone. You and Indy and Max are thought of warmly tonight.

Thank you Sleachy, they do have their own ways of communicating with us, and she was trying to communicate with me. Before that time, she was barking if she had to go to the bathroom, and then it changed. I was so frustrated, I didn't know what to do at first. Ultimately, after awhile, I did know deep down, but wasn't ready to accept it. I turned off the tv, and turned on my "chakra balancing" CD on repeat play so it could take us through the night. I never considered the thought though that she would not be there when we woke up. I didn't think she would leave me as I slept. But from everyone is saying, perhaps I should have expected that.

Wow, after 23.5 years, I have to imagine that was a very difficult time for you

Lisa just letting you know I am thinking of you

Lisa,

In the context of such profound feelings, I cannot add anything.

Reading about your loss of Indy and the grief others have felt, I learn something about the scope of the human heart.

take care,
MJ

Monday morning, it will be a difficult day.

Kaisersmom gave me a great gift last night. Via pm, she answered some of my medical questions, and put my mind at rest that there was nothing I could have done, there was no apparent medical negligence either, this truly appears to be a brain lesion.

And with that, I am allowed to grieve for Indy more naturally, in a more productive way.


And when I was able to speak to Miss Indy with more clarity, I heard her speak back. She told me that she had to continue her journey and on to the next phase. And so must I. And in an instant, my grief changed. I have not been able to sob since last night, and I do not know what is worse, sobbing all the time, or being "soul-sick" and wanting to sob and not being able to. I am still able to cry, and I'm sure later I will be able to sob again, but this has been very surreal. And for the first time in days, Max played with his ball.



This is the same voice that told me no more drugs. I have heard this voice before, though I did not know it was her, it would sometimes help me help her. It speaks in sentences. This time it used the word "I".


I have always talked with Indy in sentences and she has understood. Other folks (vet, etc) have done this too, amazed at what she could understand. She is my wise girl.



Max doesn't handle sentences so well - too many words. I tried having a talk with him when she had passed. I told him I would take care of him, and he had to take care of me now. Ever since, he has been barking and lunging at every noise in the house and thing on our walk (whether it is moving or not). Clearly, Max and I have to work on our communication skills



I guess this is a new phase. It's starting off very empty

Hi Lisa, just thinking of you in your difficult time. Hugs for you and Max. He's a boy, they're a bit offhanded at communication. He'll be there in his own way to help you through. And cover you will ball slime.

Wasn't able to check in yesterday b/c we had my mom's 80th bday party and then I had to drive back to Buffalo at night.

I just started crying when i read everything. What a wonderful, unique and special bond you had with Indy. Cleo is lying across my chest purring right now. I know so well how you are feeling and admire you for letting the journey take its course. Sending warm, healing thoughts your way Lisa. And thanks so much for keeping the lines of communication open here. It's very generous of you and helpful for all of us too.

Good morning, Lisa. Mornings are rough, and Mondays are rough days especially with obligations and work. I'm glad you feel/sense/hear Indy. I believe that the connection is never lost, because the spirit is simply on another plane. Indy and you are connected. Max is listening as best he can right now, and you have a support in him. Playing with his ball is a good sign, Lisa! My wish for you today is to breathe. Just breathe. Take this as gently as you need to. You can't grieve "wrong," as there's no right/wrong way to grieve. You are healing.

May today bring whatever you need, be it cleansing sobs, quiet reflection, something funny with Max, a long healing nap, a bowl of nourishing hot soup that tastes better than you expected it would, or little comforting signs and reminders from Indy that she's loving you now and always.

Grimm and I send you hugs, Lisa.

Lisa, I haven't been coming to the forum for a while because of work-related pressures. So I was shocked to hear on FB about Indy. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your connection with Indy is so profound and touching. I can't say anything to make it less painful for you but please know that you and Max are in my thoughts.

Just checking in - I "talked" with Kramer about a month after (okay, everyone is checking off the __Confirming Jean is crazy box on their spreadsheets) but it helped a ton and gave me a new way to deal with things. I grabbed Kyah up about a week after he passed to keep from going crazy because I could feel myself heading to a dark place. We all have different ways of trying to get through this. Please take care.